at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
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I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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