In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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