I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
