Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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