matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
