you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
