Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the condom got lost in my hair
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
