just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
