dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
