I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
