I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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