He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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