I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
