why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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