forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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