I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
