Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize