Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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