Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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