areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize