just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
