I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this will be a night to untag.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out