Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!