so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal