and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight