Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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