so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
