glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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