all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
