TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
