I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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