need another drink. this is the easiest way
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
