So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
