Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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