Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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