its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
