can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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