Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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