I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
