Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
