And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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