My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
