this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
