i just google imaged poop.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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