Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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