She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
