So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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