Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
