Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
