just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
