I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
