is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
