we're chasing vodka with high fives
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
