so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
