would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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