I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
