I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
