Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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