I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize