Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
